On the brink of losing yet another loved one, I feel compelled to discuss grief and learning to deal with it in a healthy manner. Sadly, grief is something I’ve experienced regularly in my life. I don’t believe that I ever dealt with any of it properly or even allowed myself to truly grieve. How can one properly grieve when it seems to happen so often? It’s so overwhelming. I realize that death is inevitable. No one lives forever; even knowing this, it doesn’t make it any less painful.
The first time I experienced the death of a loved one was at 10 years old. Since that time, sadly, it seems to be a regular occurrence. I’ve lost countless young friends and family members throughout my life. I grew up questioning why so many of my loved ones were dying so early. There were many times when I questioned God as my faith dwindled rapidly. I know so many of us know what a heavy heart feels like. In fact, I know I’m not the only one who, at some point, has been consumed by grief. Where I’m from, it’s commonplace.
Whether its a sudden death or impending, its extremely hard to deal with. I struggle with the idea that I need to be strong during times like this; you know, be strong so I can hold everyone else up. However, its so ironic that as I try to be so earthly strong, my spirit becomes weak. It becomes harder for me to trust God as my emotions run rampant. I’m beginning to realize that its ok not to be ok. It’s ok to feel like my heart is breaking in to a million pieces. I’m learning that its in these times that God does his greatest work. He just needs me to trust Him, especially in the tough times.
Grief is normal. In fact, Elisabeth Kubler-Ross identified that there are several stages to the process. Many of us won’t go through all the stages, and many of us, like myself, perhaps, don’t take the time to grieve at all, because we feel like we have to keep on moving. We neglect to take the time to acknowledge our pain or sadness because its easier to “sweep it under the rug” and go about business as usual. This is unhealthy! We can no longer go without acknowledging our pain and emotions as this is what begins to harden our hearts: its what causes acute sadness to turn into chronic depression.
Its so important to acknowledge whatever pain you are harboring and take the steps to get it out. I’ve learned and also, wholeheartedly believe that God is my only source of peace. I am experiencing pain in this very moment. My heart is heavy, but, I am trusting that God will bring me through as he has so many times before. On my journey of self healing, I have released feelings of guilt, unforgiveness, and shame. Today, I am releasing the burden of grief. To all those out there dealing with the pain associated with the loss of a loved one or just loss in general, you are not alone. God loves you and so do I! We can get through this and we will. Release it by faith!
Psalms 34: 18-19
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart
And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Many are the afflictions of the righteous
But the Lord delivers him out of them all
As I sit here and contemplate what is my grief...I have come to the realization that for me grief looks a little different. My grief is not the physical loss of a loved one or a beloved friend. My grief comes from the loss of, "who am I." For years I have narrated my own story of who I am versus reality of what I was portraying. Things of what I thought I was supposed to believe I am because of the circumstances I was placed in. I still struggle with who I am and who I think I am supposed to be. For the outside world I am a mother of four daughters, a wife of 26 years, …
I’m always here for you auntie I love you so much!!! We got this!!!